


Lights On

by inexplicabletrousers



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Angst, Reylo fluff, first time saying I love you, implied eating disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inexplicabletrousers/pseuds/inexplicabletrousers
Summary: Based on a prompt from reylocalligraphy for the fic exchange - "little or no smut, modern AU, Rey is insecure about her body weight being too heavy and/or Rey and Ben admit their love to each other for the first time."Hope you enjoy!!





	Lights On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reylocalligraphy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylocalligraphy/gifts).



He didn’t really notice when she began insisting on taking all the pictures, distracted by his irritation at the notion of being photographed. ‘Shut up,’ he had been instructed, and as he was wont to do when it was Rey giving the instruction, he listened. ‘Smile.’ - a further instruction that was perhaps a step too far. He would stare intensely down the lense, refusing to obey while Rey chastised him from afar. Together they had created a series of photos that Rey proclaimed ‘belonged in a museum, or at least an art gallery’ as she waved the increasingly large stack of similar polaroids out of his reach, standing on a chair in his kitchen to achieve the otherwise impossible feat. The photos had eventually become a solid collection, which Rey had framed and given to his mother for Christmas. Leia had been delighted, while Han had made no attempt to hide his amusement at both the gift itself and Ben’s scandalised expression when Leia unwrapped it, revealing Rey’s subterfuge to the room at large. Luke had of course escalated the situation with a poorly timed comment which left Ben clenching his fists and Rey frowning across at the older man as Han and Leia laughed, seemingly oblivious to the effect Luke had on their son - on her Ben. Lando had just leant down to where Ben sat on the floor against the arm of the sofa and muttered something about brooding expressions and winning over the ladies into his nephew’s ear, which had finally drawn a smirk from the man and calmed the situation. ‘You did well,’ she told him on the drive home, ‘I mean it. You ignored him, that’s what we agreed, right?’ Ben had flushed at the praise, thankful for the long dark hair hiding his burning ears. He was not six years old. He should be able to handle a compliment without this nonsense. Still it meant a lot, having her there to reassure him. He felt like the steps he made were so tiny and imperceptible they verged on pointless.

He didn’t really notice when she took down the mirror in the hallway, replacing it with the ridiculously large ‘Skywalker’ family photo that they had been given at that same Christmas. He had grumbled about it, of course, and pointed out the ridiculousness of calling it the Skywalker family photo when there were onlthree people in it out of the seven who would count as Skywalkers by blood, and only one who actually bore the name. Rey had told him to be quiet, that she liked how big his family was, blood or no blood. She had guilted him, as usual when it came to family matters, reminding him that he should be grateful to have so many people who loved him. The end of her unfinished thought had lingered in the air between them - you should be grateful they still accept you, after everything you’ve done - and he had gone home rather than stay over that night. Still, it was progress. He had not started a shouting match that would end with neither one of them winning and both feeling miserable, he hadn’t punched through a wall and injured himself and his relationship. He had removed himself from the situation and gone home to take his anger out on his piano. It was a healthy coping mechanism, and later Rey had told him she was proud of him for it, though in the moment she had been furious. He had called her in the middle of the night, full of apologies and desperate hope that he hadn’t destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him. She had laughed at him,; told him that one fight didn’t spell the end for them, if that evening had even counted as a fight. She had reprimanded him too, assuring him that the voice he had been so riled by was his own and not hers, and he could stop projecting his own self loathing onto her. ‘I don’t hate you Ben, I-’ she had stopped. The both knew how the sentence ended, but each was too afraid to say it. Not yet. Not now. Wait until things are more stable. Wait until we know this is forever.

He didn’t notice when she began leaving the lights off before they made love. Winter had arrived by then, and the darkness felt warm and welcoming after long days working out front of his father’s garage, each of them bundled up in gloves and scarves, their noses glowing in the cold as they worked in companionable silence. When they got in and cooked side by side, laughing at ridiculous customers, or whatever nonsense Han had told them Lando had gotten himself into, they were exhausted. The evenings were spent pressed together on the couch; Rey using him as a cushion, blanket and seat all at once and him willingly accepting whatever position she required of him so that she would be warm and comfortable while they watched documentaries that filled their heads with wilderness and wanderlust. ‘We could go, one day.’ He would tell her. He had money saved, more than he earned working for his father at the garage he would one day inherit, and he could take her anywhere. That was exciting - a world of possibilities beyond their everyday lives. They would spend hours planning these trips; searching for cheap plane tickets and places they could go to experience the things they longed to see and do. When he peeled her off him and padded across to the bathroom to clean his teeth and prepare for bed, it didn’t seem unusual that the bedroom was dark, with her already beneath the covers. She cleaned her teeth after eating - an old habit, she claimed - so it was reasonable for her to just go straight to bed. The room was cold, and it made sense that she would be beneath the covers when he came through and climbed in beside her. ‘You’re perfect,’ he would murmur in her ear as they joined, ‘you’re everything.’ The slow couplings of long winter nights were something he cherished, and he had to bite back his confession when they had each finished and she lay cradled in his arms. I love you. He thought, squeezing her against his chest, trying somehow to convey it without words. Not yet. It was too soon. He was terrified if he said it it would be too much, it would scare her away and he would be alone again. That would end him. He could deal with a lot; had dealt with a lot, but not that. Anything but that.

The first thing he noticed was her diet. He had approved, initially, seeing no harm in her trying to eat more healthily and come along to the gym with him. He enjoyed her company there; liked the opportunity to teach her as she learned how to use some of the equipment and found her limits. He had dieted alongside her, just adding more carbs to his so he could sustain the physique he had worked for, and continue his normal workout routine without passing out, but after a month or so he was concerned about the extreme limits she was placing on herself. ‘You know it’s not going to kill you to eat some bread,’ he mentioned casually as she finished her lettuce wrap. She had snapped at him, telling him it was just the same as what he did, she was just trying to work on her body. He had grinned at that, asking if she wanted him to work on her body, diffusing the tension and causing her to throw lettuce at him from across the table. That was the end of it, as far as she was concerned, but Ben continued to keep an eye on her health. Matters came to a head one day when he found her standing naked before the mirror in his room, tears not yet falling but glistening in her eyes. He stood behind her for a moment before she noticed him. She was so beautiful; the tears making her eyes sparkle even more than they usually did; the delicate dusky pink of her lips, her nipples; the soft curve of her cheek, her breasts, her hips. He took a step towards her and she started, moving her hands to cover herself. That drew a frown from him as she turned to face him, glancing around to find a towel, a shirt, anything. He sighed and glanced around, spotting his red and black shirt hanging over the back of a chair and walking over to pass it to her. She pulled it on quickly, face reddening. ‘Thanks.’ She muttered, moving to go past him and out into the hallway, but he stopped her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

‘Rey,’ he murmured, her name filled with the same reverence as it always was when it was shaped by his lips, ‘talk to me?’ he asked, pushing gently against her defenses. He had an incline of what she would say to him, and had started to plan his response, but words still failed him when she spoke.

‘How can you find me attractive?’ she asked, staring up at him through those beautiful eyes. ‘I used to be so..’ she trailed off, avoiding his penetrating gaze, ‘but now I‘m fat.’ Ben scoffed at that, looking at her, swamped by his shirt like a child dressing in their parent’s clothes.

‘You’re not fat.’ He told her bluntly, ‘and if you were you’d still be beautiful.’ He thought back to how she had looked when he had first met her. She’d been working for Han then, but so much thinner. Wiry and alert, ready to bolt at the slightest of sounds, like one of the dogs his father and Lando had been so fond of back before they had been banned from the tracks by their respective partners. She had been beautiful then, fire in her eyes and an inner strength bourn of a difficult life. She had that same fire today, that same strength. She could go anywhere, do anything, be with anyone and yet she had chosen him; that still amazed him to this day. The fact that she didn’t feel beautiful broke his heart, but he knew she wasn’t wrong when she said she had gained weight. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. ‘Rey, you have changed since we met,’ he began, and saw her face fall a little as he put his foot back in his mouth where it so often was. ‘No, no,’ he blurted out, desperate to ease the pain he had caused. ‘It’s a good thing, Rey. You were beautiful when I met you, but you had obviously suffered. You were still suffering, fuck you were so thin.’ it had been painful to look at her. ‘This is better. You look healthy. You look loved.’ He muttered the final statement, looking at the floor.

‘Do you?’ she asked, her usual certainty gone from her voice.

‘Do I?’ the question puzzled him for a moment before he realised what she meant. Did he love her? ‘Rey, I- Of course. Of course I love you.’ He cupped her chin in one hand, pressing his forehead to hers, ‘Rey if there is one thing I am certain of in this mess of a life I’ve built, it’s that I love you. More than anything. I think I was born just to love you.’ His voice was awed and intense and Rey spluttered out a giggle. Ben frowned and blushed, his hair pulled back this time revealing his embarassment. ‘Shut up.’ He told her and she leant her chin up, meeting his lips with her own, reassuring him with the gesture.

‘I love you too, you know.’ She told him. ‘The same stupid, dramatic poetic love you’re on about, I’m just not as good with the big declarations.’ It was Ben’s turn to laugh at that.

‘I remember some declarations that didn’t go so well,’ he told her and she poked him in the ribs.

‘Stop that.’ She smiled up at him, ‘what’s done is done, what’s forgiven is forgiven. Come to bed?’ She disentangled herself from him and walked across to the bed, letting the shirt slip from her shoulders onto the floor as she did so. Ben followed, stepping over the pool of fabric. He paused by the light switch,

‘Lights on?’

Rey bit her lip, but took a breath and nodded.

‘Lights on.’

 


End file.
